A few minutes ago, a seemingly creepy couple rang the doorbell and asked if they could leave a magazine in our letterbox. And left straight after without another word spoken. And since I didn’t have tax paperwork to worry about, it was almost the complete opposite to this cheery little scenario that Bernard found himself in.
I can’t stopping laughing honestly and it’s my bedtime.
That’s some Thaitanic talent there!
so I was shopping for underwear online and this appears
??? ??!? ?
the longer I look at it the funnier it gets
now your dick can be the pirate it always wanted to be
The fearless butt pirates we have all heard about.
the newest member of the avengers initiative: Dick Fury
wait am I the only person who’s stumbled on this and thought the best thing about it was the camo? like, here mate, camoflage ur dick and balls with this… demi… banana hammock… thing. your dick and balls are in stealth mode now. go jerk off in a shrubbery, nobody will ever see you coming…
i literally started laughing hysterically when i made richardthethird look at this post while i was skyping with him.
it’s just fucking hilarious. why would you only need to camouflage your dick???
also how does it hold up with only one string?? WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT?? WHO WOULD WEAR THIS????
I just love how angry he looks, because he probably realises the attention he’s going to get from having to wear one of these, just like a lingerie model!
Football! Don’t even get me started! And I’m not talking about the kind of football where they actually use their foot. I mean the kind where they slam into each other, like a bunch of barbarians!
What I don’t understand is why everything is always “bowl”. What, like a toilet bowl?
Okay, I know at least what the “Super Bowl” is. It’s the most anticipated football game in the season. And with so much testosterone and high energy going around, why is the halftime show always some pussy pop group? Get Metallica in there or something! It doesn’t make any sense!
All right. Back to football video games.
Madden, Madden, Madden.
Madden ‘91, Madden ‘92, Madden ‘93, Madden ‘94, Madden ‘95, Madden ‘96, Madden ‘97, Madden ‘98, Madden ‘99, Madden 2000, Madden 2001, Madden 2002, Madden 2003.. Who the fuck is John Madden anyway?! He doesn’t even look like an athlete!
What is it with football? Everybody go, football!
Go there! Football! Football, football, football! Like, what the fuck? Sunday football. Monday night football. Thursday football. Football on Thanksgiving! Football on Christmas! And out of all sports, it’s the one everybody goes the most fucking apeshit over! Makes them act like fucking maniacs!
[Smashes game boxes off shelf]
I gotta calm down. All right. If I’m gonna play some sports games, I gotta start… with the Atari 2600. Yeah! This is when sports games were fucking sports games. Look at these titles!
"Baseball", "Basketball", "Football"… Not this "Madden" shit.
Just plain-ass, normal, everyday, no question about it, no NFL, no year, not named after a player, not named after a coach, not named after the referee’s pet goldfish, no quarterback, dime-back, Nickelback, simple, ordinary, unembellished, unmistakable, crystal clear, as frank as Frankenstein, as blunt as an atom bomb, one compound word:
It’s mother fucking, God damned, sons-of-bitchin’, fuck-fuck-fucking FOOTBALL!
[Slams cartridge into 2600]
…Aaand it’s one of the worst games I’ve ever played in my life.
I am about to attempt the most Australian thing I have ever done…
Timtam slamming a glass of goon.
Okay, I have done it.
It was actually way better than I expected, the fact that you have to concentrate on sucking the goon through the TimTam means that you ignore the taste. The fact the the goon is cold also means that you can drink heaps through the TimTam without it losing structural integrity. And then at the end you have a kind of alcoholic TimTam.
9/10 would TimTam slam goon again.
Okay so while tumblr was down I did this twice more, the second time was just as wondrous as the first, however the third was a bit eh. I feel like that had more to do with the fact that goon tastes terrible and less to do with the fact that I was TimTam slamming it.
Also, chunks of TimTam are far worse looking when they are floating in goon.
So after more than one my rating goes down to about 6/10
Oh god, can people please stop reblogging this. I don’t want this to be a thing.
TOO LATE MATE
To make that Tim Tam Slam taste a little bit less shite/more palateable, I saw a goon a couple of years ago that might actually work with a Tim Tam Slam (yep; goon even comes in premixed Cocksucking Cowboy form!):